Today is a day many dread and perceive as a bad luck day. Today specifically, is a day I’ve feared for the last five years and marks the exact anniversary of an accident on Friday May 13, 2011 that could have easily ended my life. Instead, it left me with many struggles from a head injury that is invisible to most people I meet. Although I live with this every day, I always get back up and persist every time I stumble and fall. It hasn’t been easy. Each new day is even more of a reason to be grateful for what I still have in my life and what I can do. If you’ve read my previous blog post, you know my story. Today is the day I shout to the universe, “I survived” and I’m kicking fear right in its face.
We are creatures of habit and do most of the same things on a daily basis while on auto pilot. We also avoid what makes us feel uncomfortable; because in reality, it just doesn’t feel good and we want to feel safe. What if, for an hour or two, we sit very still in that uncomfortable place and ride it out? What if we meet that uncomfortable feeling straight on, see it for what it truly is and attempt to climb over it? What if we do not allow the broken pieces of yesterday to build a wall so high that it keeps out the possibilities of today? No matter how much heartbreak life has handed your or how it has knocked you down , instilling fears you could never imagine existed, try your best to live with an open mind and heart to some amazing possibilities that will come your way.
Yesterday, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone and drove past the accident site in almost the exact same clothing that I wore on that awful day. As I got into my car, my palms were sweaty and there was a huge pit in my stomach. As I approached the very spot and drove by, it felt like a slow motion scene from a horror movie. Terror; anxiety; and vulnerability, among many other things, rushed over me. My heart raced rapidly and I truly wanted to vomit. I didn’t. And you know what? I survived. I had the strong urge to test fate, to conquer my fear, and I did it.
We each need to find our own ways to kick fear in its face. We need to stomp on it before it seeps into every fiber of our being and owns our every move. It doesn’t have to be a drastic change. Find one small way in working towards freeing yourself from fear’s grasp. Is it terrifying? Yes. But until we extinguish its hold on us, our every move will rely on all the ugly lies it whispers in our heads. Don’t believe any of it. Fear is a liar. Fear immobilizes you. Do not allow it to drag its dirty, muddy, ugly components into your head, heart and soul and take control of you. Find your way to look fear it in its face and say “Let’s go. I will crush you!”
I’m going to hold my head high for the first time in five years on this Friday the 13th. I’m going to face what’s been holding me back and give it a good swift kick. It doesn’t mean I will no longer re-trace and go over in my mind the events of that day. It does mean that I will no longer allow it to control my every move. I refuse to allow fear to shake me down. And while I’m literally out and about today facing my fears and moving through the depth of what’s kept me locked inside on this dreaded day for so long, I hope that you too can face a fear that’s been holding you back. If we focus on what we do have control over rather than fixate on what we don’t, we win.
Sending you all Good Vibes on this lucky Friday the 13th~Nancy
image credit: Pixabay.com